Why makeup, clothes or a diet can’t hide this ugliness.

“..The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but The Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

It’s only natural that we assume the people around us are thinking the same thoughts as we are. A string of words that echoes in everyone’s minds. If I was having a bad hair day or had an unpredictable zit on my face, I just assumed that the whole entire world would look at me and see THAT.

Typing it and reading my words, it sounds quite silly. However, I kind of had that mentality until recently this last year. Two ( no 3 ) major things started making me {rethink how I think} And shed light on the absurdity of it all.

The first thing that made me question my thinking was -the more I got to know my boyfriend and the more we would talk (which is Alot since I’m in Spain and he’s in USA) I saw just how different we think, and sometimes the thoughts that I have never would occur to him and visa versa. It was strange just how different we thought, YET so completely completing and interesting. His mentality is like another language in which I have yet to learn. I am  an absolutely daydreamy spontaneous little mess, while he is Mr. Logical. And the balance of the two are so perfect.

The second thing that made me question my (everyone thinks like me) is my friends. We would be getting ready and they would be freaking out and sooo upset about this so called “huge zit on my face” followed by sentences saying “everyone’s going to look at my zit, it’s so disgusting” So, of course I’m thinking it’s one of THOSE.. Just to find out its microscopic and I can barely spot it on their face. Or, another example are times when my friends think they look dreadful, but when I see them, they look absolutely beautiful and it breaks me heart that they think that way about themselves… Which leads me to my third thing that really changed my mentality, which is the most powerful.

{God.} As confused and frustrated as I was about my friends not being able to see their own beauty, IMMEDIATELY God gave me a mirror and I saw the hypocrisy mirrored back at me. Not only a few Times, but constantly. I would see one negative thing about myself and fixate on that. It was like walking into a wall while running when I realized how selfish I had become. How self obsessed I was, and instead of praying for others and filling my mind with good things, I was instead distracted about my imperfections.

We never know or will know what everyone else is thinking and to just assume things is consuming and illogical.

The thing that I hated most about all this was just how selfish I had become in my mind. No matter how pretty a person is, selfishness can make even the greatest supermodel turn ugly. And I turned ugly and didn’t even know.

This last month I was distracted on instagram and posted a “selfie.” Instantly, it got a lot of “likes.” Afterwards, I had one question for myself that I couldn’t quite seem to find an answer to, which was.. why did I post a picture of just myself?

People know what I look like, so why did I feel the need to post another one. I knew I looked nice in it, but I kind of just stopped there.  I didn’t have an answer. Was I wanting attention? Approval? Praise? REALization hit me–Ever since I was a little girl (I was raised in a very unhealthy household.. more like houses, Trailers, apartments, and hotels) However, something that was drilled in my mind ever since I was a young girl was the concept of Beauty. And to look nice, always. That beauty is the most important thing. To always be skinnyandpretty. That’s all that ever matters.

Of course I know now those things are clearly not the most important, even though the world emphasizes those things. God teaches us that beauty comes from the heart which I absolutely 100% believe. However, the lingering affects of how I was raised still haunted me and I placed more value on myself by my looks than my actions. Now, when it comes to others, I had no problem seeing their heart, and to love them easily. However, when it came to myself, I realized I was my worst enemy and biggest critic.

So, you see. My thoughts were so consuming of myself. Since then, I’ve been taking small actions that work for ME. For one, I deleted my Facebook and instagram. I realized that it’s very narcissistic and I was spending way too much time on those things and being distracted from real life. (I want to say that if you have those things, that there is no judgement!! They are super fun, however for me in this time in my life, having those things are just too distracting.)

Also, lately I’ve been obsessed with reading blogs by other Christians and advice from Christian moms. Since I don’t have a mom to go to, I find comfort in the words of others.

And lastly, praying and letting God change me. He’s always there, I just had to come and meet Him. Now I have space in my mind for GOOD things. Prayers, good thoughts, and other people. Removing those distracting things from my life and realizing my selfishness, has allowed so much clarity to seep in. Now instead of waking up and checking my instagram first thing in the morning, I go to the bible. And my mentality has changed quite a bit too. Before where I was over thinking and letting the imaginary opinions of others affect me, I now can just live confidentently and F R E E.

This blog is A LOT longer than I intended…as always 🙂 However, I hope that maybe you can relate to some of this and really just see that selfishness thinking is fatal and ugly. When we fix our minds back to God and find our identity in Him.( Now I really understand what that means) That’s when we can find peace.

Lastly, we have to try and see ourselves how God sees us. Not to let the opinions of others, the standard of society,or that stupid lying voice in our head to tell us what is pretty and what is not. God, the maker of this Universe made YOU. That’s pretty incredible and a miracle if you ask me.

” Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

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2 thoughts on “Why makeup, clothes or a diet can’t hide this ugliness.

  1. Wow, this is incredible! The things you write about are a problem for a lot of us so thank you for being honest and transparent in your struggles. Your writing shows so much maturity. So proud of you for taking the things out of your life that cause you to fall. Love you so much.

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