I like running away. I like change. i like to be in the exact footsteps of other people. I don’t want to just hear stories, I want to live them. The conformity and limitations that we put on our lives is suffocating. I’ve never wanted to just fall in line. I always have had this desire to explore, touch, taste, feel, and live with everything that God has given to me.
I never want to get to the end of my life with the feeling that I only lived with my eyes and mind half open. I want to
L I V E
Fear is crippling. And we all live our lives with the essence of fear in certain areas. I enjoy observing people, their reactions and why we do the things we do. And lately I can not seem to get that idea of [fear] out of my mind. I see it ALL THE TIME. Every where.
Not, just your “I’m scared of heights. Or spiders, clowns etc.”
But something much deeper that is usually portrayed absent mindedly.
The Fear of what other people might think of us. This is way too common, and no one wants to admit it. We usually like to say that “We don’t care what others think.”. But really, that fear limits us from being totally who we want to be. Whether it’s what we think, believe, say, or act. We like to follow the crowd and fit into the conformity of other people. What they want, and what they like. Instead of being our own unique self- the one God created us to be. I truly admire greatly persons who know who they are and stand firm in their own identity.
I’ve also been noticing the fear of limiting our abilities — Not thinking that we’re good enough for something. Or not worthy enough. And sometimes not pretty enough. Our minds lie to us, repeating those lies over and over again,like an old broken record. Making us feel never good enough for anything. And other times, it’s the opposite problem, where as people we can feel feel entitled. As if everyone should do what we want them to do. Walking all over people, and being okay with it. And in our minds it’s all about ME. // But the more and more I genuinely learn and grow in my relationship with God it’s drifting far from that concept. It’s never been about me, or what I want. We need to start switching it to- what God wants. How can I help others better? Love better? How can I do something AMAZING with my life, instead of selflessly live it for myself day by day?
Too many people have done that, and I know where it ends. You live for yourself, you die by yourself.
I don’t see a point in living, if it’s not for the fact that I can go and help another persons life. If I can offer something to this world, instead of take away from it. That’s what is worth living for. As people we like to take and take and take. It’s time to start to GIVE.
Which brings me back to that Fear. And in my own life, I’ve had fear control things that I do. Whether it be that I struggled with feeling that I had to make everyone else happy, and please other people so much, that I got lost in the midst of all of that, and I lost myself. I struggled with the fact that because my parents aren’t in my life or want me, that maybe I’m just an unlovable person. That maybe I am not worth it. I would think, “what are the odds that both of my parents don’t want to be a part of my life?” I put on smiles but held onto those self intoxicating thoughts. I always wanted a happy family. I always wished since I was a little girl..on every dandelion, shooting star, and birthday candle that maybe my biological mother or father could call me up, and tell me in sincerity that…They are sorry. They love me. And are proud of me. Oh, how I wished and as I got older prayed for that. I’d rather have that than any amount of money. But I learned you can not change people. You must let God do that, and the person has to want it.
& I learned that because of all these lies in my head, I developed a fear of not being good enough. I didn’t think I was capable of much. I was always scared that I couldn’t follow my dreams or do things because others would look down upon me.
Then, that started to change. drastically. God has held my hand along the way, and I am not the same who I was. And that’s the beauty of it. WE have the ability to change our mindset. We don’t have to bound to fears that limit ourselves, and our capabilities of being who we truly are supposed to be. It takes time, but I pray anyone reading with this, and if you’ve struggled with that- to know God gives us hope. & You have the amazing opportunity to do incredible things with your life.
And right now I’m so beyond BLESSED to say that I’ll be boarding a flight tonight to Cambodia, to help with women who were in sex trafficking. THANK YOU God for this life and all the opportunities you give.
“For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7