Life has been so difficult, confusing, good, beautiful, and different since coming home. It’s so difficult to be in this culture. To see so much money wasted on meaningless things. The generation I live in is so fixated on ourselves. From how we portray ourselves on social media, to accumulating ridiculous amounts of stuff. Large closets full of endless clothing, resembling a store in the mall. How can I just be OK looking at that, when in The Philippines I literally gave a little girl the shirt off my back because she didn’t have one?
That is not okay. There is something wrong. Very wrong. We constantly are buying things for ourselves. To look “better.” Trying to improve the outward appearance, when we are completely missing what actually matters…our hearts. How we treat people. Humility.
Those are the things that far surpass looks and beauty.
This last week, I had enough..I took pretty much everything I own, and am giving them away. I literally own only enough things to pack in a suit case. I realize that I have the blessing of living in America and having a job. However, I don’t need many things, and the money I could use towards getting myself another shirt, or a cute pair of shoes….
THAT MONEY CAN BE USED TO CHANGE A PERSONS LIFE FOREVER. Sponsoring a child, feeding a starving family, building a home for someone,providing education to people who can not afford it.
And living in 3rd world countries I was able to witness how a little bit of money for us can go such a long way for people who NEED it. Yes, need it. Wanting a new pair of jeans, is a want.
Starving. Ribs protruding from your body, weak, and hungry. That is a need. A need for food.
We often mix the two up.
Or the fact that when people want to “hang out” it actually means sitting together in a room, silenced, while everyone is just scrolling on their phones. Or I’ll go to a restaurant and see a couple on a date. The date consisting of each individual absolutely immersed on their smart phones. I just want to know, Is the person you’re texting really more important than the person who is right in front of you!? Why is it that we need to check our phones every 5 minutes, just to see the latest updates on Instagram? What ever happened to living in the moment. With where you’re at. With the people you’re with.
To not being distracted to things that aren’t even going on in your life?
I think it takes away from being where you are now, when you are constantly obsessed with what other people are doing.
I do appreciate technology, but our culture has taken it to a new level, that is sickening.
I remember in other countries, where they don’t have smart phones..where they don’t have all this “stuff” And you spending some time together would mean the world to them. The fact that you would give your time to them. Time to listen, and talk. That was so precious.
Here, I don’t get those meaningful deep conversations like before. I get people who are always only half-listening to what you have to say.
I literally am crying writing this, because I just don’t understand. How did it get like this?
We are so blind to the rest of the world. We are trapped in this little bubble where it’s all about ME.ME.ME.
It’s going to be a huge wake up call when we realize it’s not about us. I know it was for me.
I am writing this with a heavy heart. Trying to live a world,that I don’t feel like I fit in. I don’t really like conversations I hear. I don’t want to talk about what everyone else wants to talk about. I really don’t care about who said what to who, gossip, media, clothing, the newest technology,or trying to impress people and be someone I’m not.
I just want to love. I want to help the least fortunate. I want to go to places that are unreached. I want to hold children who’ve never had a mommy or a daddy hold them. I want feed individuals who are starving. I want to hold the hands of prostitutes and help them walk out. I want to see lives change. I want God to continually help me grow, and humble me. I want to live for something greater than myself.
I could care less about having a degree in something, because everybody says I need to. I could care less about having fashionable clothing, to make myself look more stylish. Now in my life, I don’t try and go out of my way to impress people. I have a minimum wage job. I don’t have a car. But, I have God. I have people in my life who encourage and support me. I have happiness. I have so many blessings. SO MANY.
I truly think we all desire to live a life worth living.A life with meaning. However, we let things get in the way. We let doubts of our incapability get in the way. We let money, people, gossip, negativity, materialistic things and so much more distract us from a meaningful life. When we put all our thoughts towards things that really don’t matter, we have no room to focus on things that do matter.
So, I end this not knowing what my life will look like, and I don’t know what my future holds….
But I do know who holds my future.
The sweetest little boy I met when living in Nicaragua. he didn’t have a mother or a father.